People-pleasing linked to gender differences in problem-solving: Study

Studies show that people-pleasing — when someone devalues their own ideas to uphold those of others — is more common in women than men. And the social pressure for girls to follow the status quo takes root as early as preschool, when teachers expect them to be more obedient than boys.

Now psychology researchers at U of T’s Toronto Early Cognition Lab are investigating how people-pleasing socialization influences how children solve problems. Their new study found that, on average, girls excel at replicating the teacher’s instructions in the classroom — even when those instructions are wrong — while boys tend to explore new solutions beyond what they’ve been taught.

It’s not that boys are more skilled than girls at problem-solving, but that they’re using different strategies to push for answers — and these strategies might be helpful in certain contexts more than others, according to the study’s lead author Mia Radovanovic, a PhD candidate in the Department of Psychology in the Faculty of Arts & Science.

Listening to the instructor and persisting with the taught solution serves you well in school, which may explain why we see girls outperforming boys in academics and more women than men with university degrees. Success in the workplace, however, requires championing your own ideas — a behaviour we not only are less likely to encourage girls to develop at a young age, but are more likely to punish women for displaying at work.

“Listening to the instructor and persisting with the taught solution serves you well in school, which may explain why we see girls outperforming boys in academics and more women than men with university degrees,” she says.

“Success in the workplace, however, requires championing your own ideas — a behaviour we not only are less likely to encourage girls to develop at a young age, but are more likely to punish women for displaying at work.”

This gender difference may also have consequences when it comes to exposure to misinformation — for instance, it’s common to encounter biases and omitted information in curriculum about climate change and sexual health.

Radovanovic says because students generally assume what the teacher tells them is accurate, it’s important for all children to develop the foundational skill of exploring outside of what they are taught in the classroom, so they can more critically assess the information they do — or don’t — receive.

For the study, Radovanovic and Professor Jessica Sommerville of the Department of Psychology, study co-author and Radovanovic’s doctoral supervisor, evaluated how 7- to 10-year-old children responded to inaccurate teaching in different tasks. In one scenario, for example, the teacher explained how to complete a video game’s obstacle course, directing the players to jump from a specific platform — one that the participants would eventually discover to be missing. Due to sample size limitations, the study did not account for people who identify as non-binary, socio-economic factors or race.

When participants followed these instructions and found they weren’t having success, they began to approach the tasks differently. On average, girls would keep trying the teacher’s solution, even when there was evidence this solution was incorrect — in the video game example, they would direct their players to keep attempting different types of jumps despite the missing platform. Boys were more inclined to search for alternatives, however — they would have their players climb down and investigate the surrounding area for a different way out of the game’s obstacle course.

We talk about what we can do to make women feel more empowered to advocate for themselves in their careers. But advice akin to Sheryl Sandberg’s ‘lean in’ can only be so effective when the social conditioning for girls to conform takes root at such a young age.

Ultimately, prioritizing the teacher’s instructions over their own ideas created gender differences in success and learning, as girls were less likely to solve the problems presented in the different tasks.

To understand whether differences in people-pleasing are related to differences in how girls and boys responded to the tasks, the participants answered a questionnaire that measured tendencies for: concern about what others think; dependency on others to satisfy one’s own needs; and pleasing others by prioritizing their opinions and desires.

On average, girls scored higher for people-pleasing than boys — particularly when it came to the concern for maintaining positive relationships — which aligns with existing research on older populations. With this finding, the researchers suggest that socializing girls to conform creates greater pressure for them to obey instructions and avoid upsetting authority.

To ensure girls are benefiting equally from learning opportunities, the researchers stress the importance of creating environments where they are invited to explore and express their own ideas. Encouraging children to push against the status quo in certain situations where obedience isn’t necessarily required — like giving your child permission to dress however they want — could also help prevent people-pleasing from continuing into adulthood.

“We talk about what we can do to make women feel more empowered to advocate for themselves in their careers. But advice akin to Sheryl Sandberg’s ‘lean in’ can only be so effective when the social conditioning for girls to conform takes root at such a young age,” says Radovanovic.

“We as teachers, parents and mentors must intervene early on and tell our kids: ‘I don’t always know the right answer, and it would be cool to see what you think.’”